my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
