I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The best revenge is premature balding
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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