I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
