those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
