This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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