I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
