I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
