There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
