pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
