He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Less talking, more tequila
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
