Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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