the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
