who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
