I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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