I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
