Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
