Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
