I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
