I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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