my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she smelled like a LAN party
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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