CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
