so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
