We won't sleep together?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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