thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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