As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im holly from the hills drunk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
