This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
