I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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