I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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