The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
