i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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