Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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