I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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