I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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