Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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