farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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