it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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