does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
