We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
