I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
