Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
