I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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