it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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