I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
