my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
