I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
