He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
