whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
