I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
