I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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