im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
