they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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