One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
