At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
