I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Still dying that you shit outside
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
