I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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