Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
