You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
