I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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