you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
