reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
